11/19/17 - Justice League (2017) - 3+/10

Some films rile your wits and heart, moving one to vicious vigor or emphatic enjoyment. Justice League is not one of those. In fact, the most that it seemed to muster in me was some deadening emptiness between solemn indifference and laughable listlessness. It would be an aggravating amalgamation of tone and target, if it didn’t wrap me up in a all-encompassing ambivalence. But, I guess, it wasn’t the worst.

From the opening frames and the amorphous lip of Superman, we are thrust into a rabbit-hole of ridiculousness, simplicity, dourness, and unevenness. It is this weird and unworkable mashing of drab and “dark” Snyder failure with levity inclined Whedon wants. Like laying middlingly humorous punch-up dialogue over dreary uninteresting video game “action”. It’s not the most insufferable of drek, but it is poorly planned and putridly put together.

Let’s explore some of what worked, but mostly didn’t. Character roll call:

Aquaman has become Khal Bro-go. His dialogue, motivation and action is eye-rolling. His look is solid, but none of what is happening with him makes any sense.

Cyborg is a yawn worthy poor CGI plot necessity. There is no real character there, as he provides generic exposition and single note story obligation.

Batman doesn’t bring fear nor sense to this film. He is a mixture of comedic missteps and grim asshole.

Wonder Woman/Gal Gadot looked depressed and uninterested throughout the duration of this blockbuster. The anachronistic quirk, moralistic might, and plain badassery was stifled or entirely lacking.

Steppenwolf may be the worst and least interesting villain in any superhero film of the past 20 years. A poorly rendered effortless cartoon of an antagonist. Boorish and facile.

I didn’t hate the Flash. His chatty quips were tedious at times, but at least there was some jocularity there, his design was fun, and almost every one of the best moments involved him.

Superman was also a welcome change. His story arch was abbreviated into a dull shell of what was possible, but there was a clear effort to make him more “Superman-ey” in this film. Brighter, bigger, and more of the boyscout. His upper lip was an unwieldy eye-sore, but his presence was pleasant and practical. His moments mostly worked.

Side character note: Why did they have JK Simmons A. Be in this movie for 2 minutes and B. Work out for months on end to get shredded and only to have a heavy shirt and coat on at all times.

It certainly would have helped to introduce and acquaint the audience with these characters previously so that when they are brought together and thrown at another recycled end-of-the-world countdown cataclysm, we might identify with them and care. Instead, other than wink’n’nods to the nerds (like myself), shoulder shrugs and sighs is the most that can be mustered. But, we all knew this long before this film was made. Marvel and their Avengers platform wins for a reason. It builds on a foundation of personalities, quality, and connections. This was always a catch-up sizzle-over-substance “it will still make a billion, right?” property instead of a fine film production.

Another great idea: maybe don’t cram every big idea element you have into as few films as possible. You had a Superman film, then you decided to cram a Batman intro, fight with Batman, intro of Wonder Woman, Doomsday, and the death of Superman into one film. Then your next idea is lightly introing 3 more heroes, resurrecting Superman, slamming them all together, and having them fight an henchman from one of your biggest enemy elements from another world. It’s no surprise that so much of this feels underdeveloped and rushed, because this could/should have been 5-7 films. They would have had more depth, development, and desirability. Movies shouldn’t be about upping antes but crafting compelling characters and their culminations.

The gist of feelings about this film boils down to the statement, “well, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been”. That is a horribly low bar to clear and and absolutely unappealing way to approach a film. My expectations were low, granted, but it did little-to-nothing to emerge from the shadows of its dark inevitability. It is a lackluster clusterf*ck, that at least had moments of mild mirth. Bland punch-by-numbers that mis-steps more than makes right. This isn’t a good film but you may have fun with a tall glass of water and some friends roasting it over a geeky spit.