12/16/2019 - 6 Underground - 3/10

Perhaps the pinnacle of unfettered, unchecked and heavily funded Bayhem. It is constant, gratuitous, and unrelenting. The amount of cuts, cranes, tna, splosions, close-ups, extremes, tna, flashy cars, big guns, splosions, etc… it was all so tiring. It strives and drives so terribly hard with EVERYTHING, which for a particular audience might give them the intravenous sugar rush they require. But, with every mundane bald-faced reference and overly quippy unfunny comedic beat, I was sent into a diabetic coma. It is lifeless and brain-dead, while simultaneously being jacked to the gills. The cinematic equivalent to a speedball (cocaine and heroin mixture). 

THIS feels like the cinematic theme park ride Scorsese was deriding; glutinous, uninspired, and unfulfilling. But, at least when you ride the BayXpress ‘Splosion Roll!’ you get the shitty ads you crave! Ugh, the ads. I am so tired of his need to sell every inch of his celluloid space so that this sexxed up car flip can be brought to you by Stella Artois or whatever.

I really kind of hate the “I want to be cool” of it all. Every location, scene and set-piece look so expensive, but that doesn’t add class or heft to it. Not a soul feels real, and neither does a single event, for that matter. There is a bare bones plot, truly ‘ghost’ characters, and absolutely nothing original in this ADD action spectacle. I am not even sure it is indulgent fun bad, but obviously it wasn’t for me.

*I did like seeing Mélanie Laurent again. She was good.