Ok. This one will be a bit different. I got 8 minutes in and I couldn’t stop just pointing at things with my jaw open. I felt the need to “live blog” for myself. Here is my train of thought as it moves along, even though I criticize much less as it goes because there is only so much stupid one can continue to process and remark upon. Oh, yeah, I hated it.

-        This has to be the grandest and most epic “B-roll of car driving down a generic road” in movie history. It’s almost like someone dared them to make it this way.

-        Does any former military specialist loudly throw out “I was killing terrorists”, in front of his children mind you, casually and callously?

-        This over-wrought “God is gonna do something powerful through you” line is something else, but at least it lets you know what kind of movie you are in store for 3 min in

-        Car gets hit in the side, but he flies out, pretty much unscathed from his seatbelted driver seat. He is then picked up by road workers in time to see the vehicle explode. Yeah, checks out.

-        Ok, so these students are taking what we assume is the final, but they have never seen one another, spoken, or are aware of each other’s existence. Uh huh. Gotcha.

-        This is a guy who says he graduated from MIT years ago, but lives in his parents’ basement, has never interacted with a female human being apparently, does not know what dancing, fashion, or general social etiquette is, but he is cut af. *nods in approval*

-        Did you know this was a Christian movie? Let us stop the film dead to throw in some prayer.

-        A man who is this depressed has bought multiple different types of beers, some in the bag and some out, also ate a banana and draped it over an empty bottle because there is no physical way for it to be there otherwise. He is depressed enough to only be drinking but he was aware enough to buy and eat a banana. Also, he threw a bottle and it didn’t break? Just have him drop it then. Sheesh.

-        Yes! He keeps a loaded pistol under his couch throw pillow. Who doesn’t?!

-        “I played this life by your rules” (killing many many many people)

-        “IMTS  - Institute of Matter Transfer Sciences, owned by Ahmed Akbar the world’s most famous refuge, hires 4 young geniuses to compete with 5 other teams (governments? Labs? think tanks? Universities? Black sites?) to complete the first “matter transfer machine””. Who names their organization after something that doesn’t exist? IB2BS – Institue of Blackholes To Buttholes Science.

-        What else does this place do? Why would anyone do a news story on this competition or organization? And why would they compete, like it is some science fair for teens? (In case you were wondering, this comes to nothing)

-        God, the gratuitous ridiculous exposition shoved into EVERY sentence and scene

-        Gotta work on this algorithm! That isn’t how scientists use a machine they built. What about all those giant computers they have on set? Shouldn’t you test with them? Shouldn’t you discuss with your research associates? No. Just press the button on the machine and have stuff blow up. Cool cool cool.

-        I HATE this token black scientist

-        Why do I have an extraordinarily bad feeling about these generic Middleastern money men and guards. Boy, I sure hope they don’t turn out to be the bad guys.

-        Who tells their boss, in front of the other guy, that that other guy shouldn’t be in charge of anything? What an asshole and crap boss.

-        Why would you still try make the experiment happen if you are certain that they will use it for evil? Couldn’t you wait hours until you are off work and then work on your theories at home, maybe after you have reported these nasty evil doers to the authorities?

-        The time travel revelation makes NO. SENSE.

-        I do like the logic vs. god argument that doesn’t come out how the writers of the film would want. It might be the only bit of the film that actually make sense.

-        He encrypted and deleted his data without any preparation or variation in activities? Smh.

-        This film is like pulling teeth, but slower and more painful

-        Her husband just died in front of her, shot in the back of the head, and she is told she is next. She isn’t acting hysterical enough but is that poor acting, poor writing or both?

-        You couldn’t hear the gunshots in this building? This is just some big building that isn’t soundproofed or anything. Nobody cares?

-        So, his parents die: ho hum. Gonna hurt your gf: NONONO I’LL TALK! IT’S FINE, LET’S DESTROY THE WORLD AND HISTORY, JUST DON’T HURT MY GIRL! SHE KISSES ME IF I PRETEND TO PRAY!

-        Ok, so in a day or 2 he makes time travel AND creates magic watches that track you, your vitals, brings you back and everything? By himself AND he creates a BUNCH of them?

-        Man, this movie is sooooo dumb

-        There are no guards all of a sudden to keep track of the other scientists OR of the all-important time machine?

-        No cool future guns, just stock AK-47s to kill the son of God? Lame

-        They are jumping to a year, but how would they know when and where? And, how do they know this random guy is Jesus? (answer: he is the only white guy around)

-        Nobody around Jesus reacts to gunfire?

-        Jesus speaks English!!!! OBVS!

-        Hardcore Jesus Murder. 2 in the back of the dome.

-        Why did they need this untrustworthy white guy to lead them? Did they orchestrate to kill his family and put him in a spot to hate God (spoiler: No, that might have made some sense or something. His becoming the ultimate security guard that the baddest man in the world who he would send on the most important mission in history without getting him to invest in the mission or the beliefs is happenstance)

-        Why don’t the time travelers go to the other platform like EVERYTHING else did and has? They have 2 platforms for the machine: one to send and one to receive, until the movie just forgets that.

-        Why would there be time in between them leaving and coming back? Shouldn’t it literally be instantaneous, just like the other experiments? What is the logic in sending people, or anything, to a later time?

-        Their explanation for why it takes movie-time for “time to re-write” itself = cringe

-        “Time can’t loop itself.” Sounds like firm science to me.

-        THE ULTIMATE JIHAD! KILL JESUS BEFORE HE COULD BE RESURRECTED!

-        This is beyond sense. The believability in all of this is in GOD’S HANDS NOW…

-        DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME?! Really. That is how you explain this bizarre timing in your script? F U!

-        She signs to herself, because she thinks she might see herself on security cam in the past, but doesn’t freak out about SEEING HERSELF ELSEWHERE or HERSELF GET MURDERED!?

-        My favorite people in this film: the 2 scientists who just sit there and do whatever, which equals nothing. They don’t have any problem with anything that happens, these terrorists around them with guns, time travel or murders. They just keep tapping on their keyboards. Love it.

-        I like that no one writing this film truly took time to think about a world without Christianity other than “It bad. Look like ‘Pocalypse. It have no forgiveness.”

-        The loopings are confusing and without merit. Primer this is not.

-        I truly hate every second of this.

-        “No speako Greeko” is literally what the sadly portrayed black character says to the Aramaic speaking Jesus when he meets him.

-        HAHAHA. I think Jesus just ‘downloaded’ English from his Dad. His eyes roll back in his head and *POP* English just starts pouring out.

-        This “genius” token black guy is offensive. If you want to make him funny, you don’t have to make him uneducated, lazy, and shady. You aren’t even trying!

-        “I’ll be back? That wasn’t even your movie!” In reference to Jesus telling said black genius that he will return, but he can only equate it to The Passion of the Christ and Terminator – Make. It. End.

-        Making these 2 time travelling idiots the thieves in the market. Jeeeezzzuusss

-        Blue Eyed Jesus. Of Course!

-        Why did the tomb of Jesus blow the boulder “doors” off?

-        “He has risen” with glowsticks to those that enter the tomb. Keeps getting better.

-        Black genius is told to “shoot the hard drives” (giant computer thingys on set, as if they were ancient real to real hard drives)  so that the machine can’t be used again. But they then take so long to discuss Jesus and get ‘saved’. Is the dude passing out, because then he wouldn’t be able to shoot the hard drives or whatever?

-        The time travel logic of this might be the worst I can think of.

-        Forgiveness bs. That is where I am at with this film. I can’t even muster a legit emotion besides “sight harrumph”

-        Bad guy was hiding under his desk the whole time! Classic.

-        Imagine “Swing away Merrill” but infinitely more stupid and less sentimental

-        Deus Ex Dead Wife

-        So the point of it all is kill… for God?

-        HAHAHA Who the f*ck are these security guards that rush in to save the day? Where the hell have they been this WHOLE movie, especially with all the other gun fire. This makes no sense.

-        You know that all the growth of the main character doesn’t actually ever happen because he was erased from existence upon death, like that makes any sense

-        Where did these cars behind the would be wreck come from? They aren’t in the original wreck/death scene. They also don’t rush into the car slamming the brakes out of nowhere.

So this film is because of Dr. Phil. The writer/director was having marriage problems, went to a DP seminar, worked it out I guess and then went on to make marriage reality tv, which gave him the clout and backing to make this abomination. I blame Dr. Phil.

*** Taken from the film’s official site. I kept the typos in***

Assassin 33 A.D. (also known as Resurrection Time Conspiracy) has been the Official Nomination in more International Screenplay competitions than any know script in history.

Assassin 33 A.D. has won more International Screenplay Awards than any know script in history.

Award Winner – Kingdomwood Christian Film Festival

Atlana, GA, USA

Award Winner – International Independent Film Awards

Encino, CA, USA

Award Winner – Calcutta International Cult Film Festival

Calcutta, Kolkata, West Begal, India

Award Winner – Oregon Film Awards

Oregon, USA

Award Winner – Go Independent DC Film Awards

Alexandria, VA

Award Winner – Summer Slam Film Festival

Freeport, TX, USA

Award Winner – Film Playoff Awards

USA

Award Winner – North America Film Award

North America, USA

Award Winner – Mindfield Film Festival – Los Angeles

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Mexico international Film Festival

Mexico

Award Winner – Orlando Urban Film Festival

Orlando, FL, USA

Award Winner – Los Angeles Film Awards

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Silver Screen FilmFest

Unknown

Award Winner – European Cinematography Film Festival

Warsaw, Europe

Award Winner – Worldfest Houston International Independent Film Festival

Houston, TX, USA

Award Winner – Influx Magazine Film Awards

Huntington Beach, CA

Award Winner – Mindfield Film Festival – Albuquerque

Albuquerque, NM, USA

Award Winner – Honolulu Film Awards

Honolulu, HA, USA

Award Winner – AAB International Film Festival

Mog, Punjab, India

Award Winner – Virgin Spring Cinefest

Kolkata, West Bengal, India

Award Winner – Barcelona Film Festival

Barcelona, Spain

Award Winner – Copenhagen Film Festival – Best Writer

Kobenhavn, K Copenhagen, Denmark, Sweden

Award Winner – Hollywood Now Film Festival

Burbank, CA

Award Winner – London Independent Film Awards

London, England

Award Winner – Indie Gathering – Runner Up

Cleveland, OH

Award Winner – iHolly Next Generation Film Festival – Kudos

CA, USA

Award Winner – Go Independent Film Festival LA

VA, USA

Award Winner – Phoenix Festival Melbourne – Best Script

Melbourne, Austria

Award Winner – European Independent Film Award

Europe

Award Winner – Las Vegas International Screenwriting Competition

Las Vegas, NV, USA

Award Winner – Canadian Diversity Film Festival

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Award Winner – Headline International Film Festival

Canada

Award Winner – California Film Awards – Gold Award

San Diego, CA, USA

Award Winner – Christian Film Festival

Newport News, VA, USA

Award Winner – Toronto International Nollywood Film Festival

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Award Winner – Mountain Film Festival

CA, USA

Award Winner – Yosemite Film Festival

Yosemite, CA, USA

Award Winner – West Texas Film Festival

Midland, TX USA

Award Winner – New York Los Angeles International Film Festival

NY, USA

Award Winner – IndieFEST Film Festival

La Jolla, CA, USA

Award Winner – Chandler International Film Festival

Chandler, AZ, USA

Award Winner – Best Film Awards

Cluj-Napoca, Cluj, Romania

Award Winner – Atlantic City Cinefest

Margate, NJ, USA

Award Winner – Colortape International Film Festival

Brisbane, QLD, Austria

Award Winner – Hollywood Boulevard Film Festival

Hollywood, CA, USA

Award Winner – Warsaw Independent Film Festival

Warsaw, Poland

Award Winner – Fall Feature Script Competition

Roseville, CA, USA

Award Winner – The Film Awards – Best Screenplay

USA

Award Winner – Los Angeles Film and Script Festival

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Colorado Film International Festival

Wheat Ridge, CO, USA

Award Winner – Los Angeles Independent Film Festival

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Nevada Film Festival

Las Vegas, NV, USA

Award Winner – New York Chautauqua International Film Festival

New York, USA

Award Winner – London Film Awards

London, England

Award Winner – Filmstrip International Film Festival

Romania

Award Winner – Hollywood International Moving Pictures Film Festival

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Los Angeles Reel Film Festival

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Award Winner – Edinburgh Screenwriting Contest – Grand Winner Scotland

Edinburgh, Scotland

Award Winner – Shutter Speed Film Festival

Arlington, TX

Award Winner – Headline International Film Festival

Canada

Award Winner – IIPMF

Unknown

Award Winner – Beverly Hills Screenplay Contest

Bevely Hill, CA, USA

Award Winner – American Movie Award

USA

Award Winner – Reel Authors

USA

Award   Winner – Los Angeles Screenplay Contest

LA, CA, USA

Award Winner – Alaska International Film Awards

Alaska, USA

Award Winner – Las Vegas Screenplay Contest

Las Vegas, NV, USA

Award Winner – World Series of Screenwriting

USA

 

WHAT WERE YOU ALL THINKING?!!! This script SUCKS!!!!