A new Ghostbusters film that legitimately accepted the history of the franchise while injecting new life? That had real possibilities and hope. I came to it unimpressed by the trailer but still with an open mind… but quickly that hope was kicked like a sick puppy on the side of the road. It is hard to envision a more stale, half-hearted, and gratuitous nostalgia flake than this bloated nothing. Completely generic and anti-emotionally engaging, this is “Stranger Things/Goonies” smashed into a carbon copy of the original film without any of the wit or charisma. This wreaked the stench of a Force Awakens all over again, although this one is even clumsier, uninspired and more fetid.
There isn’t a thing from the original that they don’t forcefully cram in here, and there is next to nothing that is added, other than possibly a beleaguered portrayal of a child on the spectrum. Everything, except heart and style is crammed in, from symmetrical book stacking to literal pale reproduction of the cast in kid form (Lil’ Spengler - beglassed outcast nerd who wants to explore untethered to human emotions, Lil’ Venkman - uninterested boy who just looks to trying to score a woman, Lil’ Stanz - slightly pudgy geek who foolishly relishes the joy in the adventure, and Lil’ Zeddmore - a detached late addition to the team black actor) - frankly it’s all so sadly banal, dully cringe and listlessly uninteresting.
What was the point of this film? Just to make money? Did Reitman have an unspeakable edict that said he got to make one of his daddy’s films no matter what? It didn’t have anything to say and it actually didn’t enlighten on the relationships of the characters or development of the world , other than to non-explain why the events of the first film and their massive implications on the human experience are unknown to the masses. It merely passes over the explicit reality of an afterlife as some forgotten YouTube conspiracy. I guess it's something that they even acknowledge the original film, but I might respect it more if it attempted anything new or compelling.
Was it too hard to come up with something new or clever? Did the last bad Ghostbusters make you positronic glider-shy about doing your own thing? Well, either way, you f*cked up because this is garbage. This is referential vomitous; dad jokes, and regurgitated beats. It takes down everyone and everything in it; I mean, the kids are pretty blank canvases, but why is Carrie Coon in this nostalgia nightmare and how poor does something have to be to bleed the charm from Paul Rudd? It’s best not to even mention the phoned-in presences of the original crew, with their ghostly compatriot being the most repugnant of additions.
What was most wrong with this film was the complete lack of awe or wonder about the situations these characters experience. Be it playing chess with a ghost, 0-88mph ghost chasing/busting, being possessed & turned into a demon dog, or even embracing ghostified family members after never knowing them, not a single soul in this entire film bats an eye or questions anything. Other than wanting to destroy things, there really isn’t even any astonishment or reverence for their actions either - it’s all perfunctory compliance. There is also NO ONE else that matters in this film. Once ghosting occurs, they seem to run out of an extras budget and scripting effort. For example, has there ever, even in the smallest podunk town, had NO ONE, not even another car, at Wal-Mart? It’s nonsense like this that exemplifies and inhabits the totality of the film - it's simply braindead and threadbare.
P.S. I have to say something about the shittiest little terror Porgs meet Gremlins wannabe garbage - the Stay Puft Marshmallow men. Yes, another terrible poke at schmaltz but this one is literally only to divert the film into a refuse fire of non-hilarity. They have no purpose, with many of them horribly murdering eachother with childlike glee. It's the epitome of filmed bad script ideas that any film worth its salt and having anything at all to say wouldn’t need or include. THEY were my least favorite element, but maybe it’s just for the kids who don’t care and neither should I.