10/9/10 - Gretel & Hansel (2020) - 5/10

I remember a tweet I saw when this film came out, the gist being “if this had been an A24 film, horror fans would be frothing at the mouth for it”. The problem is, most A24 “prestige horror” films have a knack for pairing insightful and dramatic stories with their lavish stylishness. G&H on the other hand, was anemic in its story elements and character drama. It was all icing, rich, decadent and lavish, but merely empty topping on a bland and un-enticing cake.

What this film has going for it, and it is enough to fill our aching bellies with, is beautiful cinematography, gorgeous shots, wonderful lighting, and a vivid style. It is quite the feast for the eyes and delivers throughout. And while enticing, pleasurable, and attractive, the sumptuous visuals only highlighted the deep lacking within the rest of the film, as it pushed on.

Gretel & Hansel is plainly uninteresting. Trying to expand, enrich, and emancipate a well worn childhood tale, it falls short beyond the basic ideas. There is a bizarre flatness to all of the acting, dialogue and supposed dramatic tension. I would have to assume that this was the director’s choice, but it was a baffling one. Every line read is monotone and callous, and with a weird “mostly generic American accents, but a few odd English ones” that kept me questioning. Very little is explained, rather thrusting these characters into plain situations without a sense of the world, its rules, or its necessities. It also has a knack of bleeding the wonder and histrionics from the scenes that should be impactful, scary, or exciting.

The film just didn't’ have any juice. It was a pretty shell, and mostly still probably worth a watch, but it was amazing inert in just about every aspect. It has the look of a terrific film, but the innards of a sub-par flick.