MADAME WEB (2024)
“Unfortunately it is just lame bad, not fun bad enough to see, but everyone’s Madam mileage can vary”
Read MoreMEG 2: THE TRENCH (2023)
“This is Meg 2, for more f’n megs, not Meg’n’Friends”
Read More5G: THE RECKONING (2023)
“It’s empty scaffolding propping up a digital rotted foundation”
Read MoreSHARK SIDE OF THE MOON (2022)
“Straight to video schlock doesn’t need to be good but it does need to be fun.”
Read MoreMOONFALL (2022)
“Emerich has completely lost his touch”
Read MoreTHE REQUIN (2022)
“very disappointing sharksploitation feature”
Read MoreHOME SWEET HOME ALONE (2021)
“A merciless miscarriage of entertainment, marred in malevolence and merriment malpractice.”
Read MoreGIRL NEXT (2021)
“a grotesque and unsavory dalliance”
Read MoreASSASSIN 33 A.D. (2020)
Christian time travel film that is horrible in every way. Proceed at your own risk.
Read MoreGUNS AKIMBO (2020)
“ballad-filled ballets of slow motion blood and action-porn cosplay reveled in the needless orgy of murder”
Read MoreCATS (2019)
“watching them writhe, undulate, and profess their passion for some mystical unknown through indecipherable gibberish”
Read More47 METERS DOWN (2017) & 47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED (2019)
Carcharias ex machina
Read MoreGODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS (2019)
“monstrosity that was this radioactive garbage fire of a flick”
Read MoreTHE SILENCE (2019)
“I suggest you quietly move along “
Read MoreBAYWATCH (2017)
"The obnoxious plot and blank characters couldn’t even make the non-fat abs and ample bouncing cleavage palatable."Read More
THE BELKO EXPERIMENT (2016)
"uninteresting and relentlessly futile death porn"Read More
UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS (2016)
"Rarely does it make much sense, never is it exciting, and almost entirely unsatisfactory. "Read More
GODS OF EGYPT (2016)
"Gods of Egypt is a gold encrusted turd, a Red Bull-fueled CGI monstrosity of Western bastardizations and cultural vomit."Read More
THE GREAT WALL (2016)
"Matt Damon numbly hits his marks and states his inane dialogue, unable to breathe anything into this void of tale."Read More
ASSASSIN'S CREED (2016)
"None of this works or makes sense, even for a bad video game adaptation"Read More